Halloween Do’s & Don’ts

Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. It’s one of the most guilt-free holidays ever- unlike New Years Eve where you make promises to yourself about starting on that carb-free diet, or Christmas where you make sure to keep track of who’s naughty and nice. Seriously?! Halloween is the free-for-all  Woodstock of all holidays, where you get to dress up as virtually anything, in virtually nothing (for females and some males)! Take advantage of this seductively spooky upcoming holiday where you get a trick or even a treat for just being an imaginative lil’ freak.

DO Dress Sexy. (Sexy – ye of little to none clothing)

This is your only time to do so without being even slightly judged, ladies and fellas. You can google nearly anything add “sexy” to the front and boom, you’ve managed to find the costumes for every adultesque costume you’ve ever wanted to dress up as. I.e. sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or better yet, Ghostbuster (busty?) Girl!

who you gonna call .. GHOSTBUSTERS!”

DON’T Repeat Costumes.
Personal pet peeve. This is the one time a year you can grasp your inner creative diva, and ride her doggy-style, up and down until she begs for more. Dressing up as the same thing over and over again just gets redundant. And admit it, your excitement magnifies when you have something new and exciting to wear.

DO Buy Candy.
Yes. Because you don’t want to be THAT house. You know what I’m talking about. THAT house where the lights are on, and it’s about 7:00pm and a little cowboy and vampire walk up, ring the door bell, as their last house to collect from, only to be turned away because YOU didn’t stock up on candy (how could you be so CRUEL, you scrooge!).

DON’T Eat All The Candy.
Hello, Thanksgiving is right around the corner, Poncho. No need to gobble up unnecessary sugar. Plus, if you’re going out at night, you want to be hydrated, not dehydrated. So stop it, put that tootsie roll down. DON’T give me those eyes, but it down, NOW.
DO Find A Haunted House.
Why, why should I indulge in this personal terror? BECAUSE IT’S FUN YOU OLD FART! I’d steer away from pumpkin maizes, but that’s also because I’m a puss-E-cat. Meow. Anyhoot, there’s nothing wrong with a little scary bump and grind, unless you’re R. Kelly.

Winchester Mystery House, anyone?
DON’T Stay In.
There’s TONS of fun Halloween Events in SF! And if you’re not an SF native, then repeat as follow:
1) Google
2) Type in “Halloween Events 2011” + City of your choice
3) Make some plizzzz-ans!

DO Rent Scream, Pyscho, or any other scary move.
Because there’s something about watching Scream during Christmas that doesn’t say “eggnog fuzzy” to me. Plus there’s a holiday for all things scary, make use of it!

DON’T Be Afraid To Whip Up Your Own Costume

I have tons of seriously creative friends that put together odds and ends, and whip up Halloween costumes better than the Party City lord’s could have even dreamt. Invoke your inner Snooki, grab some orange greasepaint and buy some cheap hairspray and spray what yo momma gave you. Or, for my fella’s out there, dress up as disheveled Charlie Sheen or Zombie Osama.

DO Dress Up Sarcastically
That guy with the bloody t-shirt who has boxes of my favorite Cinnamon Toast Crunch taped on with a bloody knife? He’s a “Cereal” killer. Catch my drift, mi amigo?

Because we all love a little kitty, don’t we?

DON’T Be Afraid to Indulge Your Inner Kid
If your mom was anything like mine, you had to be home by 8 after Trick of Treating, and she pretty much chose your costume for you. Take advantage of your adulthood, stay out till Nov. 1, dress up as a Troll, if you so choose to, and enjoy a fabulous night out!

DO Buy Your Own Drinks
Drink responsibly kittens. Don’t be The Hangover cast for Halloween. Unless you have one of those cute Hangover t-shirts with the baby on it.

“Carlos, not at the table!”



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