10 Reason’s To Leave The One You’re With – Relationship Deal-Breakers

143 BABY!! HE’S PERFECT!!!! 

NOT as perfect as my girlfriend! 

OMG .. My boyfriend is so sweet!!!!

Dude, my girlfriend is so caring!!!! 

Congratulations. If in the last month you’ve uttered any of these things, chances are you may be in a relationship. Speculation is a bit-necessary at times. There is nothing wrong with being happy in a relationship, as a matter of fact, it’s an amazing thing to be in a strong and healthy union. There are also those cases where you may think you’re in a fabulous relationship, but you’re not. I figure, oh what the hey, might as well shed some light for those of us who refuse to open our eyes. I present to you, some uber obvious, relationship deal-breakers.



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1) There is no “I” in we

When you both lose your sole identities to each other, meaning I don’t get to hang out with Jill anymore, I have to hang out with Jill & John. And John doesn’t go anywhere or make plans without Jill because well, their life officially consists of “we” and “they” as opposed to “I” or “me”. Not necessarily a deal-breaker, but watch yourself, a solo identity is a terrible thing to waste.

2) You both communicate …. after 2:00am

And the only things that communicate after 2:00am are well .. nevermind. There is a saying that goes something like this “no good things happen after 2:00am”. BS. Hogwash, tons of good things happen after 2:00am. If you live in LA or NY, you’d beg to differ with all of those after hour spots. I’ve had some of the most scrumptious Jack-In-The-Box at 2:00am. These things aside, 2:00am calls tend to lead to booty calls. Don’t get me wrong, have ALLLL the booty calls you want, just don’t consider this a relationship.

3) He uses the word “control” like Snooki uses “smush”

There are control freaks, and then there are control freaks. These people know where you check in before Foursquare does, and know what you had for dinner before Instagram. I’ll be the first to agree, that confident men and women rule the world, but never ever ever ever confuse confidence with control. Over-controlling people are self-destructive, and they’ll take you down with them.

4) After years, you finally snagged him. 

What a winner. NOT. It took years for you to finally get him, he finally put his scandalous ways and roving eyes aside, bid adieu to all of his ex-girlfriends .. all for you. After years, you finally got him! In love. Time to tweet some happy emoji’s, right? Wrong. Congratulations, you got the guy who finally got with you as his last option. Don’t settle for this, you deserve someone who knew you were the SHIZNIT the minute he laid eyes on you.



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5) She left her friend to be with you. How sweet. 

Ain’t it just? Sound’s like romance is in the ai-hey .. where’d she go? Oh yea, that’s right. If she left him to be with you, she’ll leave you to be with someone better. Look, I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade, but if she was with your friend before and then moved on to you .. she probably deemed you a better fit. Sure your ego and balls probably grew a couple of inches (and then you woke up), but it’s hardly anything to be happy about, because it could happen back to you.

6) You officially have no friends of the opposite sex. 

Boy’s have candles, and girls have candle-holders. Awesome blossom. It doesn’t mean that she wants to hold all of her friends candles. If you, for some tragic reason, didn’t understand my metaphor, I’ll lay it out: Friendships can exist between boys and girls. If she makes you cut off your friendships with your best girlfriend then she’s insanely jealous of her and considers her a threat. It’s not cool, but it does happen, and it stems off of jealousy and insecurity. It may work for a bit, but in the long run, alienating his best girlfriends or her best guy friends screams deal-breaker.

7) Public Relationship = No, no, no. 

He does not admit to dating you to anyone. When he hangs out with his friends, you are not mentioned. He doesn’t want to admit to being with you. He doesn’t care to acknowledge you as his girlfriend. In short his relationship equation is (Him + You) – (Public Acceptance + Owning Up To Dating You) = Bliss. What’s wrong with this picture? It’s a relationship, not geo-freakin-nometry.



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8) Every single day you hear amazing things .. about her ex.

No bueno. I would waste your time explaining this in detail, but I’m pretty sure we all know that if he’s not over his ex, it’s kind of sorta a deal breaker. I don’t care how good your chicken, pasta, oreo pudding tastes .. nothing you do will be enough to ever fill the void of the past.You deserve someone ready for you! Consider this deal-breaker city.

9) His idea of effort is to text you back. The next day. 

Ladies, gents.. this one really kills me. I’m going to let you in on a fabulous secret: If he wants to do something, he will. Same for you guys, if she’s down, she will. (Drake, sing it to me now). You want to hang out with him? He says he’d love to, but he’s so tired and has work. BS ALERT. Mark my words: If he wants you, he’ll find a will AND a way to you.

10) The Vegas Test. 

Want to really see what you’re other half is all about? Repeat the following to your significant other:

“Baby, I’m going to Vegas with __(insert friends name)__ & the boys (or girls). We’re going in a month, and I’m so excited! It’s a boys (or girls) trip!

Now, watch carefully for the following reactions.

1) Her smiling face goes from smile to Medusa by the time you say “boys trip”.

2) His eyebrows furrow, and he looks like you just called his mama ‘fat’.

3) She instantly turns from cute little cuddly boo bear, to ferocious “whatCHU mean you’re going on a boys ONLY trip” bear.

4) He immediately attempts to hold you and say “baby .. no, you’re not really going .. are you? like really?”.

My friends, the Vegas test is a quick way to seal the deal-breaker deal. Someone who trusts you won’t give a rats tush where you go, rather they’ll encourage it – because that’s what secure boyfriends and girlfriends do – encourage you to have fun with your own friends and have your own life – be it a trip to Las Vegas with the boys, or a trip to Timbuktu.

Thoughts? 

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